Infinitesimal Antique
The antiques show packs a surprise

A punter gets more than he bargained for when presenting his antique.

“Well it’s a wonderful piece Mister Cartwibble. And you’ve kept it in such good condition,” commented the expert.

“Ah thank you, yes we’ve kept it safe through the generations and my father gave it to me just before he passed.”

“Certainly something of a treasure. So it’s been in your family for four generations it says here, is that correct?”

“Indeed and can you believe we’d never had it valued before so I thought why not, the antique show is in town tonight, let’s find out.”

“Not only have you come to the right show, but I’m the only expert here who can teach you about this item. Value wise, it is priceless. Beyond any clumsy figure. Now in terms of its age, I think this may take you by surprise. Are you ready?”

“Eeep,” replied Cartwibble.

“Is that excitement?”

“Yes. Yes it is,” confirmed Cartwibble.

“I can confirm it is actually...80 billion years old.”

“Wow that’s…hang on. I thought Earth was only around 4 to 5 billion years old?”

“Indeed it is. In human years. For me and my kind however, it’s barely a whisper in time. Or as we say in my universe, “Flarch dram doon!!”

“Jesus your small! Where have you gone?” enquired Mister Cartwibble, all aghast as the host’s body shrank to a limbed dot.

“Down here foolish being! This is no mere antique, it is my spacecraft!”

“Aww look at you climbing in! So cute, and all the tiny flashing buttons! And what’s happening here oh I think…yes! Little thrusters! Where are you off to infinitesimal fella?”

“To my home, stupid human. Go, warn the others if you must. It’ll do you no good for I shall return with up to ten ships and destroy you all, ha ha!!”

The tiny craft buzzed away at a gentle speed and disappeared almost immediately from view.

“Aww, just like a metal bee but much smaller and less threatening. Off he goes. That was unexpected!” commented Mister Cartwibble, wondering what to do next. 

He stared at the camera, scratching his head.

“Excuse me eh camera man, did he actually value it? It wasn’t insured you see.”

The camera shook its lens back and forth, for the benefit of viewers at home.

“That’s a no?”

The camera man nodded the lens of the camera for the benefit of viewers at home.

“Well shit!”


The End